A Date With Yourself

To be honest with you, Valentine’s Day is definitely not my favorite holiday. The expectations surrounding this day are INSANE. Even when we’re perfectly satisfied with our life, we suddenly wake up on February 14th expecting a room full of rose petals and a built-in marble bathtub filled with iridescent bubbles – even though we know fully well that we’re super allergic to flowers and that bathtubs trigger an irrational fear of flooding. Don’t get me wrong; I love love. I love relationships. I love courtship, and bold romantic gestures, and sweet little attentions. But these are all everyday things, right? (or at least, shouldn’t they be?) I have a hard time grasping the concept of Valentine’s Day. I never seem to know what I want on that day. If you’re in a relationship, it’s stressful, and if you’re single, it’s downright depressing. I spent countless February 14 in tears, whether I was single or in a relationship. The worst part is, most of the time I had no clue why I was crying. Anyone else can relate? (Please tell me I’m not alone.)

For my first post after a two-month break, I built a guide to surviving Valentine’s Day. It doesn’t matter what your situation is (single, in a relationship, on standby, in the complicated first phase, in a long-distance relationship, in an impossible love triangle, secret mistress or self-declared forever alone); I’ve learned that Valentine’s Day can be hard for anyone. A lot of people actually make February 14 just an ordinary day, because they either don’t agree with the concept or simply don’t want that kind of (enormous) stressor in their life. As an indicator, about 53% of Canadians don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, most of these people being adults with no kids. As for me, I still love to bake chocolate treats and enjoy some time with my loved ones, but with the firm intention of taking care of myself and my family, rather than having an over-the-top astonishing day. Here are the main things that help me have a stress-free and non-depressing day.

Stay Off Social Media
That’s the golden rule. I think we should all stay off social media on Valentine’s Day. Actually, I think social medias shouldn’t work on Valentine’s Day, period. It should be a National Broken-Social-Media Day. While it is quite nice to be able to share your cozy, romantic day with everyone, it doesn’t do anyone any good to see that. People who are single truly don’t give a **&@ about your day, and the people who are also in a relationship are probably too busy to check Insta on that day anyway. So who are we posting it for? Personally, I never found any comfort or inspiration by creeping on other people’s Valentine’s Day. Besides, comparing ourselves and our relationships is the best way to end up unsatisfied and bitter. Instead of spending the day watching others, why not devote all that energy to loving our own life? Let’s be bold and delete all social media apps for one day!

Lots and Lots of Self-Care
When you think about it, Valentine’s Day is just an excuse to spend the day in a luxurious way, not caring about anything else but you and your partner. Taking care of ourselves, eating tons of chocolate, inducing in things that make us all warm and fuzzy… Isn’t that the definition of self-care? Why should being single mean that you can’t do these things? Take a bubble bath and read all day long. Try a new face mask and bake cookies in your favorite slippers. Spend the day in your PJ’s, eating cinnamon hearts and celebrating how amazing you are. You don’t need anyone to give you permission to do that. Plus, Valentine’s Day can be so stressful; you deserve to decompress.

Treat Yourself
It’s no secret that the stores become Valentine’s Day advocates as soon as Christmas is over. You can’t go anywhere without being bombarded with little fuzzy hearts and pink garlands. The general consensus is that you have to ignore them. Somebody is going to get these for you (how they get it if they’re not allowed to look at it either remains a mystery) or you’re single and have absolutely no interest in adorable treats. The last thing you want to be is the sad girl who buys Valentine’s Day stuff for herself because she has nobody besides her cats.
But who cares?
Yes, be that girl! It’s not true that you’re sad and all alone, anyway. Buy that cute stuffed animal holding a box of chocolates. Get those gorgeous flowers you saw on your way home from work. Indulge in that little care package that includes a rose scented candle, a heart-shaped eye mask and a bath bomb with a cheeky name. Be even bolder and write your name in both the empty spots of the little card that comes with the supposed-gift. Those things weren’t designed for couples; they were designed for whoever wants to take part in the festivities. And even if you just want the discounted chocolate for yourself on February 15, go for it! Nobody’s going to know that it’s for yourself anyway. And you deserve it.

Allow Yourself a Day Off
Back in high school, I hated Valentine’s Day with a passion. I would have done anything to avoid that dreadful day. I would always come home with my heart shattered after seeing girls carrying gigantic bouquets of roses like trophies and guys making shy moves to let someone know they liked them. It made me feel alone and invisible. Usually it’s different once you’re in university or working in an office, but that’s not always the case. My secret strategy: whenever I can, I just… skip it. I skip it! I skip Valentine’s Day, or at the very least, I skip the whole showcasing part of it. I remember one particular Valentine’s Day a few years back. I was dating my boyfriend, but we were each living with our parents and going to school, so we weren’t able to see each other on that day. I woke up feeling sad for no reason and I thought: “No. This isn’t how I’m going to spend my day.” So I stayed home, did my nails, made some popcorn and watched a movie. At the end of the day, I felt relaxed and grateful for all the love that I had in my life. You don’t need to impose one horrible day a year on yourself. If Valentine’s Day is difficult for you, no matter the reason, just… do something else. You’re allowed to have days off and take care of yourself.

Realize That You’re Not Alone and Stop the Pity Party
Looking back on my single years, I realize that part of what made it so difficult for me was that I thought I was the only one who was single. I saw it as a defeat, as something that I hadn’t been able to accomplish while everybody else had succeeded. Today, I look around me and I see so many people who are happily single and I can’t help thinking: “Where were they when I was single too???”. What I’ve now learned is that they were right there, but I refused to see them. It’s so easy to spend Valentine’s Day crying on the couch in your sweatpants. Call it self-sabotage or self-pity, but I was dedicated to maintaining the idea that poor me was all alone. That wasn’t true. At all. Being single simply means that you chose to go solo or that you’re still looking for that perfect someone. That’s it. There’s no shame, no failure, and certainly no victim. The way I see it, being single and being in a relationship are just two different lifestyles. Like living in the city or in the countryside. Living by the beach or up in the mountains. They’re things you can change eventually, but most importantly, they each have their perks. So wipe the mascara off your cheeks, go out with the wildest single people you know and when you see a couple smooching in a corner, think about the fact that you stand strong on your own.

Being in a Relationship Isn’t a Band-Aid.
If you’re hoping that finding your prince or princess will automatically bring you to happiness, think again. Meeting someone, while exhilarating, won’t change anything about yourself. If you struggle with self-confidence, that’s something that only you can change. If you’re scared to go out by yourself, sticking to someone like gum will only push the issue aside. And if you’re wondering what happiness means, changing your Facebook status to “in a relationship” won’t spark any sort of epiphany. Those things, you have to figure out on your own. It is amazing to be dating someone that you feel crazy about, and it’s enough to make you smile all day long. But using a relationship to avoid having to face our own demons isn’t healthy and it (unfortunately) doesn’t make a very good foundation for a relationship either. I made that mistake when I thought that being with someone would suddenly make me love Valentine’s Day. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and even though our relationship is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, I still dread V-day. That’s something I need to face on my own.

Play the Game
If skipping the day is not an option for you, or if you’ve been looking for your soulmate under every bush, why not use Valentine’s Day for exactly what it was intended? Go out there and look for that special someone! A lot of events like speed dating and blind dates happen in February, and while it may sound a bit corny, it can actually be a lot of fun. And who knows? Maybe you’ll develop a powerful connection with someone. At the very least, you’ll have some fun meeting new people and you’re sure to collect hilarious stories.

I think the main thing that you need in order to survive Valentine’s Day is self-love. I think the hardest thing about being single on Valentine’s Day is that this day spreads the message that being in a relationship is something to celebrate while being single is not. But that’s not true. You are unique and the incredible person that you are is something to celebrate. Whether you have a lover by your side to celebrate doesn’t matter. Allow yourself to celebrate your individuality and treat yourself to a day of luxury. You absolutely deserve it.

Much, much love,