6/16/2019 2 Comments Lessons from my DadToday’s post is a little bit different than what I usually share on this blog. Today is Father’s Day, and last week I shared a maple cookie recipe inspired by my dad (if you missed it, no worries! Find it here.) I was thinking about what kind of post I wanted to make for actual Father’s Day, and obviously, as I was thinking about this, I started thinking about my dad. I started thinking about every adventure that we’ve ever been on together, and about all of the things that he taught me through the years. Sometimes they were intentional lessons – things that he wanted to make sure that I knew and understood – but sometimes they were just things that he did that I picked up on and that I decided to start implementing into my life as well. We learn a lot from our parents and from seeing the way that they behave, and today I wanted to share some of those lessons that I got from my dad as I was growing up. *Obvious disclaimer: my dad taught me a whole lot more than these few lessons. I love hearing other people’s stories, and what they have learned from them, so I hope that you enjoy these little snippets of my life. This blog is about happiness and finding ways to be our best self, so, on second thought, maybe this post does fit on here perfectly. Stay safe Growing up, I always saw my dad being really safe, especially when it came to us. This may seem like a no brainer, but my dad was actually really good at it (I say “was” because my brother and I don’t live at home anymore). Whatever we were doing, from riding a bike to renovating, or simply just playing outside, he always made sure that we could have fun in a safe way. That taught me to think ahead and to anticipate dangers around me. I don’t mean always staying on guard or being overly cautious, but simply assessing the risk before doing something. What could happen here? In the eventuality that this happens, will I still be safe? I think the best example for this is when my dad and I go camping every year. When we’re setting up the tent, my dad always thinks about what will happen if it rains, or if there are really strong winds. He taught me to think about the currents when canoeing, and to make sure that I’m able to get back to shore easily. They’re all little things, but thinking about that allows you to be prepared, just in case something happens. By doing that, he also showed me that there is nothing cool in risking your life just for the sake of it. Stay safe. Creativity can be extremely useful My dad is an ex Scout, and I don’t know if that has anything to do with it, but boy, is he creative in his search for solutions. I’m a very creative person myself, but not necessarily in the most practical way. Usually, if I have a problem, I won’t think of creating something to solve said problem. For as long as I can remember, my dad has always come up with creative solutions; a little something that he thought of to make life easier, or a second use for something that others wanted to throw away, or simply making something instead of buying it. And most of the time, one way or another, it worked. Now, when I’m stuck in a situation, I try to come up with a creative idea and see where it leads me. My mom is also very creative, so I honestly think that’s a lesson I learned from both my parents. Save your money There is not much to say about this one, but I feel like it is a very important lesson. From very early on, my dad encouraged both my brother and I to save our money. At least some of it, so that later on, when we would need the money, it would be there. For me, it also brings a lot of peace of mind, to know that I am planning for the future. My dad also taught me that, by starting early and saving little by little, you can enjoy some of your money right now as well. Be patient, because there is no point in losing your sh**t. My dad is a very patient person. Me, not so much. While this is something that I am still working on, I have learned to be more patient, especially when I’m upset about something. I don’t recall many moments where my dad (or my mom for that matter) got impatient with me. Again, I learned this lesson from both my parents. While I was completely losing it at times (I’ll blame it on the fact that I was young…), they always remained calm and, slowly, I started to see that getting all worked up… didn’t really bring me anything. Often, it didn’t change the situation one bit. The only thing that changed was the color of my face! So now, before transforming into a tornado, I try to think of my parents, and of how incredibly patient they have always been with us. When life gives you leftovers, make an omelet. This may sound weird, but it is a technique that I use a lot, now that I am cooking for myself. At home, my dad is always trying to get rid of the leftovers. It is his mission, when he opens up the fridge, to finish something. On nights when he would be making supper, he’d often get various Tupperware containers out of the fridge, some vegetables, and some eggs. He would cut up the leftover meat from the night before, add some fresh vegetables, and use that to top off an omelet. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a leftover omelet, but it’s flippin’ delicious. Plus, it’s a really good way to use your leftovers in a different way. Giving up won’t bring you anything People always tell me that I’m perseverant, and that I get that from my dad. Throughout his career, for example, he always persevered, no matter the obstacles or the setbacks. I saw him working on the same problem for days. Even when it seemed impossible, he never gave up, and I like to think that he found a solution on most occasions. Without even realizing it, I started doing the same. When I was doing flying trapeze, I would work on the same trick for weeks, trying to get it the way I wanted – even if it was hard, and long after all my fellow flyers had moved on. Moreover, my dad taught me to do so in a healthy way. It’s not about working yourself to the point of exhaustion. It’s not about wanting to achieve perfection regardless of the risks. It’s about finding the strength within yourself to stay motivated. My dad always took breaks (sometimes very tiny breaks, but they were breaks nonetheless), and if one of us needed him, he’d always find time for us. However, after the break was over, he would always get back to work. You get nothing out of giving up. Sometimes, you try your best but there is nothing that you can do, and that’s okay. When I was young, I had a really hard time with maths. Homework, exams, exercises… I always needed help. Eventually, I would get it, but it could take days. My dad, who is very strong at maths, sat with me at the kitchen counter more times than I can count, drawing graphs and coming up with images to try to help me understand. We would be there for hours. At one point, in high school, I had a particularly bad math teacher, which really wasn’t helping my case. One night, my dad and I were sitting at our usual places, bent over some theory that my teacher had taught that day (or attempted to) but that, for some reason, neither of us could understand. I already knew that I wasn’t about to figure it out, but my dad tried for several hours, turning the concept in every possible way, trying to make a bit of sense out of it. At around midnight, my dad told me, half-jokingly: “Well… sometimes you have to go and accept that you won’t understand, and that you’ll probably fail that exam”. He probably said that because it was ultra late and we both laughed, but for some reason, that stuck with me. Not the fact that I was gonna fail that exam (I don’t remember clearly, although I probably did), but the fact that sometimes, as hard as you try, there is nothing that you can do. And you have to accept it and let it go. (Side note: I don’t know what was wrong with that math theory. That horrible teacher probably made it up.) “Papa c’est papa, maman c’est maman.” My dad used to tell me that all the time, and it would drive me crazy. Literally, it means “dad is dad, and mom is mom”. He would tell me that whenever I’d say the infamous “but mom lets me!” At the time, I hated it, but growing up, I’ve come to realize that it applies to most people. What I take away from it is that everybody is different, and what works with somebody won’t necessarily work with everybody. And you can’t approach everyone in the same way, because we’re not all made the same way. For example, I don’t like when somebody includes me in a conversation that I wasn’t taking part of, because I don’t want to be put on the spot. To the opposite, my brother loves being in the spotlight and would jump on the occasion to enter the conversation and make everybody laugh. I’m me, and he’s him. I don’t know if my dad meant to teach me this, but it’s something that I repeat to myself often, especially working as a counsellor. There will always be someone there to help and listen. And if you find that there isn’t, try asking in a different way. That, I think, is the biggest lesson that my dad taught me. It’s something that I wish every single person on this planet would know; there will be someone there to listen to you, and to help you. Growing up, I wasn’t always the most patient child, as I’ve mentioned before. On multiple occasions, I went up to my parents, wanting help, but instead of asking, I would yell at them. To me, I was expressing my frustration, and I had every right to be angry. But often they couldn’t help me, because I was completely closed off, even though I was asking for help. Afterwards, I would usually write a note, to apologize or explain myself. One time, my dad wrote me back, saying that there will be someone to listen, always, but maybe I could try asking in a different way. Maybe I could try saying that I need help, instead of showing that I am upset. Today, ironically or coincidentally, my job is to listen to people. My dad was right; there will be someone to listen to you, always. It’s a matter of asking. Happy Father's Day,
-TM-
2 Comments
Marc
6/17/2019 08:13:09 am
Thank you so much for this Father’s Day gift! As parents, it’s so rewarding to see your child grow and become a sensible, balanced, and joyful adult, who could, in turn, help others and society.
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Isabelle Bernuy
6/17/2019 07:55:09 pm
Thank you for teaching me all of these great lessons. Much love.
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